I have a frustration. That frustration is when people update the world every waking minute with their multitude of uncontrolled feelings. My preference is a "feelings in control" type of existence. With the whirlwind of life going on the past few months, I have utterly failed in my attempts to "control life". Sounds suspiciously of God showing more of his greatness to me...
Anyway, because of my propensity to insist on control, I think I fail to be honest with how I feel or what is going on. I may say things are hard, but I'll be okay. This is true, but in all honesty, sometimes it doesn't really feel like it will all be okay. I have decided to attempt a new approach to this crazy phenomenon entitled life. Balance! Hehe....a novel idea, I'm sure. Anyway, a balance between being up front and honest with people about what is going on and working through the things that are going on in order to come to a healthy, correct place.
So, here goes the attempt at balance.....
#1-Frustration: It feels like my best friends have moved to another country. I suppose they sort of have. To the country of "Ihaveaboyfriendnow". My 2 besties are utterly happy in relationships that started in the past 1 to 3 months. And my sis, E, is also happy with her awesome guy who rocks the mullet. :) I am happy for them. I pray for growth and blessing in those relationships, but I admit some frustration at the timing of their blessings. Selfish? Most possibly yes, but I feel like I have never wanted a friend more than I do now, and they are most definitely otherwise occupied. Everyone has their significant other except mine who is also in another country. This one called "Navyshipshavezerowaystocommunicate".
I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
#2-People just don't get it. I understand that most of the world has never done this, so you have an excuse to be idiotic, but please understand, world, that you piss me off sometimes. Just because my husband is "only" gone for 6 months doesn't make it a million times easier. I miss him even when he isn't in Afghanistan, a more dangerous place than he is now. Please don't think I am exaggerating when I talk about missing him.I know we've only been married a few months, but that doesn't mean I don't notice most hours of the day that I am alone, without my other half with me or somewhere closer than a few continents away. I am sorry you and said significant other had an argument, but, honestly, I would give just about anything to have an argument with my guy right now. It would be a priviledge to talk to him. Even if we were yelling a little bit.... :) I hold it together well most of the time, but I will admit to feeling like I'm losing it sometimes.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
#3-God, sometimes I feel like you don't "deserve" my trust. Okay, before I get "struck by lightning", let me clarify. I know that what I feel doesn't make sense, but sometimes I honestly just feel that way. Where are you in some of these thing that happen? B going missing and then learning a few days later we will never see her smile again. S's baby desperately clinging to life. Seeing people we love struggling with pain and sickness. Girls counting down the days only to learn their guy is never coming back. What does your sovereignty mean in all of this madness? Sometimes it is extra hard to see you, God....
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."
-Danika
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
ROTC
A marine and an ROTC cadet on the same blog. Shhh, don't tell the government.... :D
So, ya, I think there is some unspoken rule about not smiling in ACU's, but....it's to late. :)
Ooops, I did it again....
So, there it is. Uniform-not camis-minus the kevlar (helmet), LBE (hot looking suspenders with canteens and ammo pouches hanging off of it), and 30 pound ruck sack we normally have with it. Oh, and minus the rifle too. I'd probably get voted off the island if I posted a picture including the weapon....
Story of the day starts at PT. So, I've done workouts with medicine balls before. At fight club, we used to run across the room with someone about 7 feet apart, throwing them back and forth. Well, PT this morning included medicine balls, but in a very violent manner. Instead of being thrown to me, it was being thrown at me. Both of my the insides of my arms look like a red pen was taken and scribbled all over them. So much for that invincible thing I guess.....
So, ya, I think there is some unspoken rule about not smiling in ACU's, but....it's to late. :)
Ooops, I did it again....
So, there it is. Uniform-not camis-minus the kevlar (helmet), LBE (hot looking suspenders with canteens and ammo pouches hanging off of it), and 30 pound ruck sack we normally have with it. Oh, and minus the rifle too. I'd probably get voted off the island if I posted a picture including the weapon....
Story of the day starts at PT. So, I've done workouts with medicine balls before. At fight club, we used to run across the room with someone about 7 feet apart, throwing them back and forth. Well, PT this morning included medicine balls, but in a very violent manner. Instead of being thrown to me, it was being thrown at me. Both of my the insides of my arms look like a red pen was taken and scribbled all over them. So much for that invincible thing I guess.....
Monday, February 15, 2010
A Few Adventures from Thailand
February 1st was the very first day that I set foot in Thailand, and immediately had mixed impressions of the very heavily rain forested country. First one was actually rather fun. We were told that we would have to eat MRE's for the day until we get back to ship, but this country really doesn't hold any value for us eating the MRE's instead of trading them to the locals. First, a short little Thai guy drives up in a little minivan and starts yelling "Chicken! Two dollar!", which prompted most of the platoon with money to go buy a nearly live chicken. I say nearly live because the only thing that wasn't attached to the chicken at the time of it being fried were the feathers. Head, neck, feet, they fried it all. For those of us who didn't have money, and yet still felt like puking over the thought of eating an MRE, there were other options. Organizing a four man party armed with bayonets and cammie paint, we pushed into the jungle. Pig hunting? Not really, but we did come back with some unripened miniature bananas, some kind of fruit call a Jack Fruit (tastes like Juicy Fruit...), and an armful each of different sizes of coconuts. The bananas were a bad choice, immediately drying your mouth as you ate it, the Jack Fruit was absolutely amazing when we figured out which parts were good to eat, and the coconut required a hammer, axe, crowbar, bayonets, and violent throwing against sides of tracks in order to open. We poured the coconut juice into our canteens, and set up all the food we got like a meal in the back of the track. It was the best I had eaten since I was in the states =)
But, as it seems to be whenever I deploy, the beach wasn't done throwing surprises at us. On one of our walks around the beach looking for fish, something else floated out of the water that brought back sordid memories. The torso and arm of a Thai man was discovered, and local Thai police were brought in to investigate. That was quite a shock, and rather colouring of the rest of my visit to Thailand.
On the 5th, we splashed back onto the beach, and went to work with the AAV's that the Thai's had and show them how to use it. It was the most I have ever sweated in my entire life. Working for eight hours out in 90 degree weather, 100% humidity will drain you the minute that you step outside. It wasn't all work, though, and we got the chance to sample some of the Thai food for 30 Baht (equal to roughly one dollar), as well as trade the locals for all sorts of different kinds of foods and items. On the 10th, we got to play soccer with the Thai, as well as do several......different kinds of relay races involving balloons and pennies and wheat. The soccer was actually really fun until they all came out in matching soccer uniforms. Then we all pretty much decided that we were done. We came out better then most of us thought we would do (2-1 Thailand), but we still lost.
That night, we had a little karoake party with a huge local feast involved. I saw some kind of soup that looked like Italian Wedding Soup, and I thought it would be really good to try out. While eating it (and thouroughly enjoying it, some of the best I had ever tasted), one of the Thai guys I got to know pretty well (Dek), came up to me and asked me if I liked it. I replied that it was actually very good. He smiled, nodded, and said that not many Americans will actually try pig testicles, let alone like them.
...
After much more daily interaction with the Thai Marines, I came back on ship with a Thai Marine Corps baseball cap, an assortment of Thai shirts, an 8 point Thai cover, a *muffled sound because it is a gift for my beautiful wife*, a flag of Thailand for my wife and I's international room in our soon to be house (*wink*), and a full set of Royal Thai Marine Corps cammies. Oh, and nearly got killed by flying bees the size of my pointer finger, and spiders the size of my head. All in all, I liked the experience, and the things that I got from it, but I am ready to move on to a different country, if only it brings me closer to home =)
Oh, and if you are ever in Thailand, and you see white little oval things that look like meatballs floating in soup, eat the shrimp.
But, as it seems to be whenever I deploy, the beach wasn't done throwing surprises at us. On one of our walks around the beach looking for fish, something else floated out of the water that brought back sordid memories. The torso and arm of a Thai man was discovered, and local Thai police were brought in to investigate. That was quite a shock, and rather colouring of the rest of my visit to Thailand.
On the 5th, we splashed back onto the beach, and went to work with the AAV's that the Thai's had and show them how to use it. It was the most I have ever sweated in my entire life. Working for eight hours out in 90 degree weather, 100% humidity will drain you the minute that you step outside. It wasn't all work, though, and we got the chance to sample some of the Thai food for 30 Baht (equal to roughly one dollar), as well as trade the locals for all sorts of different kinds of foods and items. On the 10th, we got to play soccer with the Thai, as well as do several......different kinds of relay races involving balloons and pennies and wheat. The soccer was actually really fun until they all came out in matching soccer uniforms. Then we all pretty much decided that we were done. We came out better then most of us thought we would do (2-1 Thailand), but we still lost.
That night, we had a little karoake party with a huge local feast involved. I saw some kind of soup that looked like Italian Wedding Soup, and I thought it would be really good to try out. While eating it (and thouroughly enjoying it, some of the best I had ever tasted), one of the Thai guys I got to know pretty well (Dek), came up to me and asked me if I liked it. I replied that it was actually very good. He smiled, nodded, and said that not many Americans will actually try pig testicles, let alone like them.
...
After much more daily interaction with the Thai Marines, I came back on ship with a Thai Marine Corps baseball cap, an assortment of Thai shirts, an 8 point Thai cover, a *muffled sound because it is a gift for my beautiful wife*, a flag of Thailand for my wife and I's international room in our soon to be house (*wink*), and a full set of Royal Thai Marine Corps cammies. Oh, and nearly got killed by flying bees the size of my pointer finger, and spiders the size of my head. All in all, I liked the experience, and the things that I got from it, but I am ready to move on to a different country, if only it brings me closer to home =)
Oh, and if you are ever in Thailand, and you see white little oval things that look like meatballs floating in soup, eat the shrimp.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
On Ship...
The first part of this message is for my beautiful wife, who I haven't been able to talk to for about a week. Baby, I love you so much, I am trying really hard to get in contact with you. Soon I will be able to call =)I love you, love of my life, stay strong, chica..
The second part is really just an update. I am currently sailing on the USS Denver (coincidence?) over completely unknown seas. It is so wierd to look out and see nothing but ocean... Pictures to come later!
-Luke
The second part is really just an update. I am currently sailing on the USS Denver (coincidence?) over completely unknown seas. It is so wierd to look out and see nothing but ocean... Pictures to come later!
-Luke
Thursday, January 28, 2010
List of To Not Do's
Do not:
-Forget to take out earrings when wearing uniform.
-Put a pbj in your backpack for any longer than 1 hour. You won't recognize it if it is there any longer than that. I blame the immunology textbook....
- Wear non-waterproof non-boot type shoes to a cow dairy.
-Set facebook mobile to send updates to your cell phone at all hours of the day. And night. Some people are online at 3 am. Seriously.
-Work at a zoo if you do not like poop. I have seen many types of poop. Camel, pig, chicken, bunny, monitor lizard, turtle, reindeer. And it is only week 3....
-Expect to get away not knowing that complement is in the order C1q, C1r, C1s, C4a and b, C2a and b, C3a and b, C5 a and 6, C6, C7, C8, C9 with C3a and C5a being powerful anaphylotoxins, C3b being a opsinization inducer, and CD59 preventing this on human cells. Yes, it all means something. I think.....
-Expect to get away with going to sleep at 8:30 pm on a regular basis without being razzed. To a great extent.
-Forget to take out earrings when wearing uniform.
-Put a pbj in your backpack for any longer than 1 hour. You won't recognize it if it is there any longer than that. I blame the immunology textbook....
- Wear non-waterproof non-boot type shoes to a cow dairy.
-Set facebook mobile to send updates to your cell phone at all hours of the day. And night. Some people are online at 3 am. Seriously.
-Work at a zoo if you do not like poop. I have seen many types of poop. Camel, pig, chicken, bunny, monitor lizard, turtle, reindeer. And it is only week 3....
-Expect to get away not knowing that complement is in the order C1q, C1r, C1s, C4a and b, C2a and b, C3a and b, C5 a and 6, C6, C7, C8, C9 with C3a and C5a being powerful anaphylotoxins, C3b being a opsinization inducer, and CD59 preventing this on human cells. Yes, it all means something. I think.....
-Expect to get away with going to sleep at 8:30 pm on a regular basis without being razzed. To a great extent.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Part wife, part superwoman...
So, I wanted to publically post that my beautiful, darling wife is an absolute super hero. Seriously. You can't imagine the stuff she has been through, and is going through, and yet she is still pushing as hard as she ever has. Oh, this is Luke posting, by the way =) I mean, it is beyond imagination how strong she is. She even knows how to post pictures of her in our pj's on blogger, how does one even do that? *wink wink*
Only about two days left on the island before I get on ship and sail off this island. I am pretty upset about how I have to go, but it is only for a little less then two months, we are due to come back around the end of March. Everything looks cool here, but most of it lacks it colour without the love of my life by my side. Only slightly more then 5 months left, and then I am throwing up the deuces to this place. Shortly after that, deuces to the marine corps, and hello spending the rest of my life waking up to the most beautiful woman on the face of this planet =)
-Luke
Only about two days left on the island before I get on ship and sail off this island. I am pretty upset about how I have to go, but it is only for a little less then two months, we are due to come back around the end of March. Everything looks cool here, but most of it lacks it colour without the love of my life by my side. Only slightly more then 5 months left, and then I am throwing up the deuces to this place. Shortly after that, deuces to the marine corps, and hello spending the rest of my life waking up to the most beautiful woman on the face of this planet =)
-Luke
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